Anonymous said: What advice do you have for someone in their mid 20's who hasn't had a serious relationship? I feel broken, and I have dated but no relationship of mine has lasted more than 6 months :/
first of all, don’t beat yourself up over it. a lot of people are in the same boat you’re in, whatever the reason for it may be.
my best advice would be to really take time to learn about and come to love the person you are. I know that sounds extremely cliche, but I promise you, it is of value to do so. I think your twenties are much more of a transitionary period than your teens, and figuring out your true likes/dislikes/personality traits/etc outside of what you may have been interested in high school can be helpful. don’t freak out if you feel you’re throwing parts of yourself to the wayside; we are meant to grow and change, and shedding some layers that no longer truly represent you is a good thing.
once you really get in touch with yourself, you can start to focus on what you would like out of a relationship… I think this is something people (myself included in the past) gloss over, because you meet someone, they seem cool, and you decide based on very little substance that you might like to date them. and then it fizzles out not long after and you’re left feeling empty. let me tell you, there is nothing wrong with having discerning taste with deciding whether you want to date someone. is he/she a heavy smoker and you don’t smoke at all? might not seem like a big deal at first, but after your car starts to constantly smell like cigarettes, it may start to bother you. this applies on deeper levels, too. if you have ambitious dreams/goals and the person you’re considering dating seems to have no goals past making it to the end of the day, they may end up anchoring you down with their lack of drive and support. keep an eye out for someone that doesn’t have what you see as glaring deficiencies, as these things will seldom change without it being a forced situation, which leaves no one happy in the end because of the tension it builds.
i think it’s important to be very YOU. whether you are actively looking for potential partners or enjoying your single-ness, be you. do the things you enjoy doing, do things that make you happy inside and out, and eventually it’s likely that you will encounter the types of people that you enjoy being around. sometimes this will only lead to friendship, but you never know.
I know a lot of this sounds vague and wishy-washy, but I don’t think there is a clear cut answer. I’ve been a serial long-term dater since I was 14, but I never really paid attention to the big picture stuff until I was in the midst of ending my last relationship. I never truly considered what things were important to ME in a relationship. as a result, I’ve dated guys who wanted to change me or didn’t accept me fully as I am, whose goals in life were nowhere near what mine were, or who just didn’t end up being the kind of partner I needed them to be on an emotional level (which affects greatly how I respond on a physical level).
bottom line, be yourself, like the person you are, and don’t be afraid to walk away from something that leaves you feeling like you’re on a completely different wavelength than the person you’re dating/considering dating. it’s all trial and error, but something is bound to fall into place at some point (and usually not when/where you’re looking for it—another cliche that is true as fuck). keep your head up.
— Toni Morrison (via thisislove)
Think it’s time for a break from my social media accounts and other various things that make me stare vapidly at my phone, occasionally chortling for no reason.
Queuing up and heading out!
DILEMMA: We have a 2nd/3rd grader who wants books on boys because she says boys keep looking at her and she wants to know why. This was my face:
She does not particularly want to discuss this with her mom, but all the books we COULD show her would require that.
So, yes, HELP.